Today was one of these days
Today was one of these days where I came home completely exhausted. Mentally and physically.
One of these days when all kinds of doubts come crawling up about the meaning of my life and what I actually want and how I fit in or not – often not – becoming aware of all the social awkwardness I still feel in groups of people, especially when the communication is merely verbal.
I came from a seminar, that was actually meant really well, lots of artists in one room together, each one presenting their skills and what they do. Each one really special and inspiring and beautiful in their own way. Me, too, I guess.
And yet I found it very challenging and exhausting to spend a day like this, talking and listening to talking, having awkward breaks that are scheduled for 10 minutes but then drag out to 25, so I feel lost and don’t know what to do or whom to talk to, which group should I join in or is it fine to be by myself. There is always the cell phone to look into, right?
I decided to relax into it all, and yet I came home so tired and full of doubt about my life and myself and, well, you know when you feel so exhausted and a little lost and it’s cold out and dark thoughts come creeping in….
What nurtures me?
But still I had this class in the evening to teach. I already knew it would be about voice. And since it is more of a collective already but a class, I decided to simply do things that would nurture me. Hoping it would nurture all others as well.
And so we rolled on the floor and sounded with our voices, with each other, found the stillness in the sounding. Found out about ways of communicating just with the sound. Add movement to it. Play. Just be. Stop thinking for a moment, just because it happens anyways. Allow myself to be as I am and connect in this completely “brainless” way. Literally roll with what is.
And bam. Alive again. Filled and nurtured again. Feeling connected. To myself, to the others. No need to know anything about these people in our course and yet feel so close. Be aware of each other.
Micromanaging my life
This is why I keep saying Tuesday evenings are my favorite time of the week. Because all of the pressure that daily life might make me feel. All the things I have to do and take care of. Tax, pushing my business, think about where my life should go from here. Make a plan. Have an answer. Know who I am. Know what I want. Pay my rent. Post on facebook. Post on instagram. Tell the world how great I am eg. my business is. Say it all over again every second day at least. Remind the people to come to my classes. Dammit! COME TO MY CLASSES! THEY ARE GREAT!!!
Reminder of who I really am
All of that is allowed to come to a halt for two hours. Because here in this movement space, is where real life takes place. Here is where the really important stuff goes on. Playing. Relaxing. Connecting. Breathing. Pausing. Ahhhh. I am reminded of who I am. Without any description. No plan. Just life. Just body. Just mind. All of it. Or nothing. Just moving space.
Belonging through creating together
And even though we could just do that as a cause in itself, because it is enough already… we are actually training up.
We are training up to breathe together. To listen to each other. To move as one. To move as individuals, but knowing who is leading. To become aware of where everyone is. We train to observe. To initiate. To copy and make a choreography out of it. We train to communicate just by tiny movement changes. We listen with our whole body. We connect instinctively. We train our senses to become finer tuned.
We train up to be an ensemble. With the aim of going outside our training space eventually and create urban art. Hit the city. Improvise with the space and yet stay connected as a group.
It’s a beautiful journey. It’s a human experience.
We still have a few spaces open if you want to join our ensemble. Come and see for yourself if this is for you. It’s my favorite time of the week for a reason. If you understand what I am talking about here and got so far in your reading: Maybe it will be yours, too. Let us know if you are interested. We are ready to welcome you.